I came to MARR in August of 2023 after my wife gave me an ultimatum, rehab or jail. The choice was simple, but the reality behind it wasn’t. I couldn’t accept that drinking was the problem. I blamed my unmanageability on everything else, depression, anger, isolation, even a kind of personal philosophy built on despair.
When I first arrived, I was surrounded by people who understood me in a way I had never experienced. The counselors told me that my problem was much simpler than I believed. My sponsor told me that yes, I had depression and anger issues, but I was also an alcoholic. Hearing that was frustrating, but as MARR became a safe place, I slowly opened myself to the possibility that they were right. My sponsor explained that the steps could address those deeper issues, but only if I started with honesty, accepting that I was, in fact, an alcoholic.
Working the steps forced me to confront some dark truths about my life and helped me begin developing a relationship with God. By the time I reached three-quarters, I had built a solid base of support, even if imperfect. My relationship with my wife seemed to be improving, but after discovering her affair, I made the difficult decision to end the relationship, out of a new sense of self-respect. One week later, I was arrested for the charges that had originally pushed me into MARR. In the end, I had to live out both sides of the ultimatum. That’s where my drinking had taken me.
While in jail, I stayed committed to my program. I made gratitude lists, found ways to be of service to the men around me, and stayed connected to my higher power. I felt genuine love from my family and my MARR community, even from the outside.
After my release in March of 2025, Todd Valentine welcomed me back into three-quarters, and I’ve stayed close to MARR ever since. I still feel moments of regret about my marriage, but I also recognize that without her ultimatum, I might never have found this new way of life. MARR gave me a chance at something different, something I never could have imagined.
And today, I am grateful to be an alcoholic.
-Christian H.
