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How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with a Recovering Addict

Written by MARR on . Posted in MARR Articles, Resources. 2 Comments on How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with a Recovering Addict

Drug and alcohol addiction is a serious problem that can put a major strain on an addicted person’s relationships. If you are a friend or family member of an addict, your relationship with him or she has likely experienced its fair share of ups and downs. But here’s the good news: Once the addicted loved one seeks help for his or her addiction and gets on the road to recovery, there is hope for the relationship.

To maintain a healthy relationship with the recovering addict in your life, check out these helpful tips to ensure you’re reinforcing his or her recovery.

Show Support. When an addict is in recovery—especially early on—your ongoing support is essential to his or her success. Attend 12-Step family recovery meetings in your community (i.e. Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CoDA, etc.); ask him or her how you can help, and just listen when needed. Let the recovering addict know you support him or her in this endeavor, physically, emotionally and mentally.

Maintain Boundaries. While it is important for you to show support to an addicted friend or family member who is in recovery, you must also maintain healthy boundaries if you want your relationship with him or her to improve. Rule number 1: Your life should not revolve around the recovering addict. It is perfectly OK to be concerned about him or her, but always take time out for yourself. Otherwise, resentment may build up.

Communicate. As with any relationship, communication is vital to enjoying a healthy relationship with an addicted loved one who is in recovery. While life in recovery is the better way, it isn’t always easy. Sometimes an addict needs someone with whom they can talk openly and honestly. Be that person. (Of course, always encourage the individual to talk with his or her sponsor as well.)

Be Present. Emotional support is certainly a fundamental part of a healthy relationship, but physical support is just as important. Make the time to be available for the recovering addict in your life. Have a coffee date, go for a walk, or enjoy some quiet reading time in the same room. Togetherness is what matters most. Your presence is another way to let your loved one know you care about his or her recovery.

A recovering addict has a greater chance at recovery when his or her relationships encourage recovery and not hinder it. Get involved in this new way of life, and you’ll reap the benefits of recovery, too. Be a part of the solution!

Author Jason Harter, CAC is an addiction counselor who strives to maintain relationships between affected family members. He enjoys blogging and is a contributing writer for bestaddictionscounselingdegrees.com. 

My Spouse Is Sober – Now What?

Written by MARR on . Posted in MARR Articles, Resources.

family recovery for spouses and significant othersA recovery program is essential for family members, too

Addiction leaves behind a path of destruction unlike any other disease. From legal issues, to health problems, to financial strain and beyond, substance use disorder tears relationships and lives apart. Fortunately, there is hope—addicts can become productive members of society and restore much of the damage caused by their addiction once they get on the road to recovery. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) have transformed lives and restored relationships. At MARR, we not only believe in the 12 Steps—our addiction treatment program is built around them.

Oftentimes, an addict will enter into a program of recovery and begin to heal from his or her addiction, seemingly getting better and enjoying a new outlook on life. But what about the other person in the relationship? “When my husband first got sober, I was happy and scared at the same time. I mean, who was this ‘new’ man standing in my kitchen? Being around him just felt awkward,” says Melanie Sadler*. “He was getting healthy and I was left with resentment and pain from the past.”

Sadler is not alone. Although recovery for the addict is crucial if the relationship is to survive, it is not a one-way street. Both the addict and his or her significant other benefit from a program of recovery. MARR’s Family Recovery Center is committed to providing education, counseling and resources to those struggling with a loved one’s addiction. Through couples therapy, individual counseling and family support groups, we seek to introduce spouses and significant others to family recovery. Additionally, we encourage them to attend 12-Step meetings in their community (i.e., Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Co-Dependents Anonymous, etc.).

When both individuals in a relationship practice the spiritual principles behind the 12 Steps, they learn to speak the same language. They understand the tools of recovery, rely on their support network for guidance, implement healthy coping skills and focus on today. Resentments are addressed and freedom ensues. Instead of the process appearing one-sided, wherein only the addict gets better, both partners experience the joy that comes from a life in recovery.

“Once I began to embrace my own recovery through Al-Anon, the dark cloud that seemed to follow me everywhere started to fade,” Sadler says. “I found hope through the 12 Steps and today, my husband and I have a healthy relationship. We got to know one another all over again, this time without drugs and alcohol.”

If you would like more information on MARR’s Family Recovery Center, call 678-805-5100.

*Name has been changed to protect individual’s identity

When Treatment Takes Several Tries

Written by MARR on . Posted in MARR Articles, Resources.

When treatment takes several triesAdvice for family members whose loved one can’t seem to grasp recovery

Addiction is a disease that is characterized by cycles of relapse and remission. As much as family members would like to send their addicted loved ones to a treatment center and have them emerge healed, it’s not always possible. Without a solid program of recovery in place, the individual is just one drink or drug away from falling back into old patterns. Occasionally, treatment takes several tries before it sticks.

There is a wealth of erroneous information surrounding the industry that claims substance abuse is not only treatable, but curable as well. Once people buy into the notion that there is no known cure, they are able to let go of unrealistic expectations and trust the process.

Rather than get discouraged because a loved one has made several attempts to get sober at various treatment facilities, Young shares his perspective: “Consider each experience as part of the overall outcome — a continuum of care, if you will. The addict isn’t starting over; instead, he is continuing his journey toward recovery.” The crucial component of achieving success long after treatment is to select the best facility for your loved one’s needs, one that will address the underlying issues of his or her addiction.

TRADITIONS accepts individuals who are appropriate for the program, rather than for the sole purpose to fill beds. A majority of its clients have been to one or more rehab centers in the past. “We don’t offer a ‘dry cleaning’ experience, where the client leaves treatment fixed and flawless. We offer a new way of life,” says Young. TRADITIONS is designed for addicted men who understand the basics of recovery, yet need the structure and accountability that treatment provides.

Long-term residential treatment (120-day minimum) and therapeutic community are contributing factors of TRADITIONS’ success rate. “Clients form meaningful relationships with counselors and community members. Here, they learn healthy behaviors and boundaries. If they fall, they must communicate with their community and face the consequences,” Young notes. What’s more, the program places great emphasis on family recovery. A common reason for relapse is that the recovering addict returns to the same family unit as before. Everyone must make a concerted effort to get well, and TRADITIONS helps facilitate healthy changes.

“We can’t afford another treatment”
If your loved one has been through several addiction treatment programs and cannot grasp recovery, family support groups like Al-Anon Nar-Anon and are strongly encouraged. “Each day is a choice,” Young says. Even if the addict in your life chooses to remain in active addiction, you can choose recovery. Establish a network of individuals with whom you can connect, and ask your Higher Power for the courage to change the things you can — YOU. There is hope!

The MARR Experience by Kathe S.

Written by MARR on . Posted in MARR Articles, Resources.

After a stint in detox, I admitted into MARR in December of 2005. It was not my first time in treatment. Initially, I got sober in Ohio in 1988; following a month of inpatient treatment, I moved to Atlanta and spent a year in a halfway house. I relapsed after 13 years of sobriety because I allowed a hectic schedule to interfere with AA and my program.

After my first relapse, I enrolled in an outpatient program (and relapsed again within three months). When I came to MARR, I was broken and willing to do whatever was suggested. I had hoped for 90 days or less; however, I settled in for seven months and am so grateful for the opportunity. After two relapses, I have learned that I am someone who needs inpatient treatment — I have to stay sober long enough to want it.

MARR provided a place where I could get “reset” in recovery. Married with three children, aged 7, 8 and 10, I had lost myself in my role as wife and mother. My time at MARR allowed me to focus on myself, something many mothers neglect to do. I had the support of staff and my therapeutic community, and I was able to work on important issues — not only as an addict, but also as a woman. MARR’s segregated, gender-specific programs offer clients a safe environment (something many women have never experienced before).

I am blessed to have spent seven months at MARR, and I continue my involvement as a volunteer at the Women’s Recovery Center (WRC) four hours a week. I get back so much more than I give. I am grateful to Kendall Weinberg for allowing me to serve the clients at WRC — and for allowing me to leave afterward, because I have a full, rich, sober life outside of MARR!

You Mean I’m Not Cured?

Written by MARR on . Posted in MARR Articles, Resources.

The biggest misconception about addiction is revealed

Despite continuous advancements being made in the addiction field, there is a common misconception about the disease: Many people believe that an addicted individual who undergoes treatment will emerge ‘fixed’ or cured. Unfortunately, many so-called experts in the industry support this fallacy. From self-help books, to rehab facilities, to erroneous websites, our society has been misled to believe that addiction is curable.

Addiction, while treatable, is a chronic condition with no known cure. Often characterized by cycles of relapse and remission, alcohol and drug addiction is considered a disease of the brain. Although substance use may begin voluntarily, the individual eventually loses control once addiction sets in. Progressive and fatal, most people need help to stop using and/or drinking.

Addiction Treatment: What’s the Point?
If addiction is incurable, you might be wondering why professional treatment is recommended and, in many cases, necessary. MARR emphasizes long-term residential treatment, because it takes time for an individual to break the cycle of addiction and develop new coping skills. Most addicts have been caught in the web of addiction for several months or years. Similarly, recovery doesn’t happen overnight — it’s a process.

Relapse is a very real threat to individuals in recovery. Because the disease has no cure, it takes continuous work to ensure lasting recovery. At MARR, therapeutic community and intensive therapy are the primary agents of change. Clients learn how to lead healthy, substance-free lives; use the tools of recovery on a daily basis; and set up a recovery network when they return home. The ultimate goal of treatment is to help the individual establish a firm foundation in recovery and attain a spiritual connection.

Spiritual Journey and the 12 Steps
In 1935, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith founded Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) — a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. Wilson and Smith based the program of AA on 12 steps, which emphasize the alcoholic’s need for a Power greater than himself and the importance of service work. More than 75 years later, the 12 Steps of AA, as well as the spiritual principles, have remained intact.

At MARR, we believe a spiritual connection is not just helpful for lasting recovery — it’s essential. Because our program is long-term (minimum of 90 days), we help clients through Steps 1, 2 and 3. At the time of graduation, the individual is ready to work on the ‘action’ steps (4 through 12) with his or her sponsor. Life in recovery is a spiritual journey, and we provide the foundation on which that journey begins.

The Good News
Addiction may be incurable, but recovery is certainly achievable. MARR educates clients on H.O.W. to maintain long-term sobriety — through Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness. We witness lives being transformed every day. Once-desperate men and women find hope and healing; families are reunited after years of turmoil; and community members join together to offer their support. Recovery is a gift, and we consider it a great blessing to be a part of this remarkable process.

Our Guiding Principles

Written by MARR on . Posted in MARR Articles, Resources.

When MARR was established in 1975, the disease model of addiction had already been introduced and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was 40 years old. While we certainly didn’t know then all that we know today about addiction, our dedicated staff members were committed to helping clients achieve sobriety and enjoy a lifetime of recovery.

More than 35 years later, that commitment still remains. We continually strive to improve the quality of our treatment programs, technology and overall infrastructure in order to carry out the mission of MARR: To bring lasting recovery to alcohol- and drug-addicted individuals. Just as the addiction treatment industry evolves, our organization grows with it.

Since the beginning, we have stood behind our cause by supporting clients and their families. Every experience is a rewarding one, as we witness the miracle of lives being transformed in mind, body and spirit. Individuals who were once held captive by the disease of addiction discover a new life of freedom and hope — a life worth living.

Founded on six core values, MARR practices these guiding principles in all our affairs. Through the years, we have maintained our integrity, upheld our commitment to clients and the community, and trusted in God’s plan for MARR. We are grateful for the opportunity to serve those who are struggling with addiction — then, now and many years to come.

 1.    People Come First

MARR’s clients and their families, as well as our qualified and skilled staff, are our driving force. We are passionate about helping individuals break free from the disease of addiction and it shows in our ongoing commitment.

 2.    Spiritually Founded, 12-Step Based

MARR believes a spiritual connection is essential to lasting recovery. Accordingly, our gender-specific programs employ the spiritually focused 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

 3.    Integrity

Because MARR is spiritually founded and based, maintaining integrity is of utmost importance. We strive for excellence, speak honestly, treat others with respect, follow through with commitments, build trust with the community and adhere to strong moral ethics.

 4.    Therapeutic Community

MARR is unique in that we provide quality addiction treatment within the structure of the Therapeutic Community model. Each therapeutic community, consisting of no more than 10 members, offers the insight and support that helps foster personal growth and establish accountability.

5.    Cost-Effective

MARR does everything necessary to keep the cost of substance abuse treatment as minimal as possible without compromising the quality. We are recognized as one of the Southeast’s most comprehensive, yet affordable, long-term addiction treatment facilities.

6.    Clinically Driven

All of MARR’s clients receive a thorough assessment to determine the specific needs to be addressed in order to sustain long-term recovery. The individual assessment guides the course of treatment within the framework of the therapeutic community.