By Jordan Detweiler, CAC-I

Imagine a world in which each year you gave yourself a wonderful birthday gift–something important, a present you really wanted. It might be a trip to an exotic location, or an item of jewelry.

Even better, imagine it was the gift of life.

Annually, a former MARR client does that very thing.  To celebrate his or her recovery birthday, he or she returns to us for a Renewal Week. This gift is far more valuable than vacations or gems, yet costs the individual nothing.

Renewal Week is offered free-of-charge to those who have successfully completed our 90-day program and have maintained recovery for a minimum of six months. If a man or woman is not fully committed to recovery, or has, in fact, relapsed, this week is not appropriate. Instead, that individual needs to readmit to the program.

Participants are treated like every other client; they move into the residential unit, surrender keys, computers and cell phones. Men and women commit to no outside contact during his or her stay, which is typically a standard business week.

On Monday morning, the individual becomes part of the group. As such, they attend all the meetings, groups and activities. Essentially, they engage in the program just as they did during their first stay. Although the time together is short, the bond with other clients is honest and true.

Renewal Week was originally designed exclusively to help MARR graduates. But throughout the years it has become clear that equal, if not even greater benefit, is experienced by those currently in our program. Initially, these clients are genuinely dumbfounded as to why anyone would willingly return to the program. Why in the world would anyone leave their lives, jobs family and friends to spend time in treatment that they “didn’t need?” And there within lies the point:  they do need it.

Whether it is the importance of routine, accountability, daily mindfulness or attending 12-Step meetings, the week serves to reinforce all that was originally learned while in our care. Additionally, no matter how long a woman or man has sustained recovery, the experience of being in community with those who are truly struggling is riveting; it places in bold relief how far each one of them has come in their own individual journey.

And the benefits are in no way one-sided. Whereas the visiting client sees how far he or she has come, the current residents see just how far they can go. A man might see the strong, capable husband and father that he always wanted to be, but could never be due to alcoholism. A woman may discover that it is possible to be set free from her addiction to prescription medication, return to college and earn the degree that will lead to a better life. In other words, clients see first-hand that if they stay the course, remain committed to themselves and their ongoing sobriety, then real and lasting recovery is possible.

Renewal Week is profound on so many levels. Former clients take time to focus on the fundamentals of recovery; current clients capture a new vision of their future; even our staff, who work so hard every day, experience the joy of seeing people living lives of gratitude, growth and purpose.

It truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

With a growing number of states moving to legalize recreational marijuana, there is an ongoing debate on whether or not it is actually harmful. It is crucial to realize that legal doesn’t mean harmless. Let me say that again: legal does not mean harmless. Here’s the truth: scientific research tells us that marijuana has adverse effects on brain development, mental health, and overall well-being.

Let me be clear in saying that we are not talking about prescribed medical marijuana. There is good research that demonstrates how marijuana can be used to successfully treat some serious health conditions. Here, we are talking about individuals who use marijuana recreationally to escape from reality.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line” custom_height=”20″][vc_column_text]Sometimes needing to “relax” after a long day really means being emotionally removed and losing sight of one’s priorities. That is a pattern in addiction across the board, and it is no wonder that people return to the drug over and over again, unable to stop using. This cycle of escapism often leaves users disconnected from their loved ones, their emotions, and themselves.

If you find yourself getting angry about what we are saying, let me propose that we have “touched a nerve” and that your relationship with marijuana may be such that you feel you have to defend it. There is a massive misunderstanding about the difference between those who are addicted and those who are not. Someone is not an addict because they consider a drug a problem, they are an addict because they see it as an answer. Article: Why Won’t They Stop?

At MARR Addiction Treatment Centers, we have seen an alarming increase of clients with marijuana as their primary addictive agent of choice.

So, how do we know that marijuana is harmful?

In an article titled “The Adverse Health Effects of Marijuana,” the writers present scientific data on just how addictive and damaging marijuana use can be. It is an addictive drug, in fact, 9 percent of those who even experiment with marijuana will become addicted. That jumps to 25 to 50 percent among individuals who smoke daily. There is also scientific evidence of a physical withdrawal from cannabis, which comes in the form of irritability, difficulty sleeping, dysphoria, craving, and anxiety, all of which can obviously contribute to continual relapse.

Early Onset Use

There are an increasing number of adolescents using marijuana, and within two years, they are approximately 2 to 4 times more likely to have symptoms of cannabis dependence than those who begin using during adulthood. This is because weed disrupts normal brain development. Our brains are in constant active development up until age 21, and THC (the primary active ingredient in marijuana) prevents the brain from establishing vital connections between neurons. As people start using earlier and more regularly, they not only have an increased risk of marijuana addiction, but also an increased risk of the use of other illicit drugs.

There is also data that suggests the weed may function as a gateway drug, especially in adolescents. It’s effects prime the brain to influence addictive behaviors in adulthood.  This is something that we have seen in clients here at MARR. Experimenting with marijuana, even if that is not the primary addiction, leads people to progress to other substances and eventually suffer from addiction to alcohol or other drugs.

The potency of marijuana is also on the rise. In confiscated samples, THC content has increased from about 3% in the 1980s to a whopping 12% in 2012. This means that the previously known effects of long-term use may be even more detrimental.

Right now, marijuana is the most commonly used ‘illicit’ drug in the United States. So we have more people using, they are using at a younger age, and the potency of the drug itself is higher. Modern culture and the media have a lot to say about weed, but we must be honest and straightforward about the facts. Marijuana is not a harmless pleasure, it is an addictive drug that is proven to damage brain development, and addiction is an isolating disease that can affect every area of a person’s life and relationships.

No one gets to choose whether or not they become addicted after they start using, and that’s why understanding the potential consequences of marijuana use is important. Despite the harsh reality of this drug, we always extend the hope of recovery. Addiction is a disease, but with the right tools and a supportive community, there is an opportunity for a life of freedom and wholeness on the other side.

Doug Brush, CACII

Reference:

Volkow, N. D., M.D., Baler, R. D., Ph.D., Compton, W. M., M.D., & Weiss, S. R., Ph.D. (2014). Adverse Health Effects of Marijuana Use. New England Journal of Medicine,371(9), 878-879. doi:10.1056/nejmc1407928 http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMra1402309

[jotform group_id=4]

(*spoiler alert- there is no such thing)

No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. This point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines…We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
–Alcoholics Anonymous – “How It Works” -page 60

By Courtney Robbins, CACII
Primary Counselor, Women’s Recovery Center

When I started my career at MARR over a decade ago, I was fortunate to learn a teaching from a cherished, seasoned colleague. This singular concept has stood the test of time, and continues to be one of the most powerful moments of teaching that I have the privilege of passing on to the women in our program. This simple concept has been responsible for a lot of “aha” moments over the years and I have seen it be fundamental in helping folks persevere through the learning curve of decision-making as a person newly in recovery. Whether you are a person in recovery yourself — or the loved one of a person seeking recovery, my hope is this can provide some context for the tough moments that inevitably happen along the recovery journey.

Admission to treatment is often viewed as the end of the addiction and beginning of the recovery story. The thought is, “I have hit my bottom- I’ve finally made it to treatment, now things can only get better from here. If I just ‘do the next right thing’ everything will get better until I am ‘happy, joyous, and free.” Depicting this expectation visually would look something like this:

This expectation can be the cause of a fair amount of frustration for both the individual who is recovering and their loved ones because it never (yes, I said never) matches up with reality. Moreover, trying to make this expectation become the reality creates more suffering than is necessary. If you’ve ever tried to create a do-it-yourself project or a new recipe that you found on Pinterest- you understand this concept very well. As hard as you may try, and as perfect as you may want your project to be, somehow it never ends up like the beautiful, professionally photographed photo that you pinned to your board on Pinterest (see Pinterest Fail website for a good laugh).

Instead, below is a visual depiction of the reality of the Normal Cycle of Recovery:

Each forward line represents forward movement, growth, change, and progress in recovery. While each loop backwards represents a mistake or misstep or a moment when we were just not our best selves.  Both the forward movement and the temporary backward motion are inherent in the process and each is necessary for our growth. Just like so many other things in life- ebb and flow is to be expected.

When I draw this visual on the board in our group room, and write “Normal Cycle of Recovery” above it, I usually hear laughs of recognition and sighs of relief. This simple illustration reminds us that perfection is not expected nor is it achievable. It reminds us that mistakes and missteps never define the totality of our experience or our identity. Though these understandings never absolve us of the responsibility to course-correct and make amends, it gives us the context and the courage to not give up even in moments of difficulty. And, of course, persevering through difficult feelings and experiences is essential on the path to letting go of substance use.

Thankfully, the recovery process is vast enough to hold space for both the forward motion and the temporary setbacks that are all a part of the reality of “trudging the road to happy destiny.”

By Rick McKain, MAC, LPC

One of the men in the group a couple weeks ago asked what I considered an excellent question as we discussed the Unit on Cybersex that night. I made a comment about early exposure to pornography being traumatic.

His question was, “Why do you consider early exposure to pornography traumatic?” That is the question.

I have always considered early exposure to porn as traumatic pretty much since I’ve been doing the BBR group [and all the other group names from the past] 15 years. I probably need to define my terms and then explain why I believe what I believe. Before I do this, it should be noted that whole books have been written on what is actually considered porn and what isn’t. Also the same could be said about trauma – again the area of trauma is a whole specialty in the clinical psychology realm. So I will not take a huge amount of time to define these two things – “porn” and “trauma” as I will be brief.

When I think of “porn” which I’m using as short for pornography throughout this article, I’d like to acknowledge that it has changed over the years. When I saw what I considered porn in about 1965 – it may not be considered porn by today’s viewers. It was a centerfold of a “Playboy” magazine. It was the first time I’d ever seen anything like that. The closest thing to that in my experience was the Sears or J.C. Penney catalogue but they had clothes on. By todays standards [and I use the word standards loosely] that would have been considered “soft porn” at best.

So porn to me is anything visual that is sexual arousing to me. It can be something I see as spontaneous, or something I seek out and view that sexually excite me.  Some sort of visual image that increases my arousal and may be used to lust after and to take action toward. It is still in the category of porn for me if I view it only and don’t take any other action regarding it.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line” custom_height=”20″][vc_column_text]What do I mean by trauma? The terms trauma and abuse are often used in conjunction with one another.  Abuse is something that happens to me – something I experience.  For instance, if a person beats me – that is abuse.  What I may experience as a result of that beating is trauma.  In the case of physical abuse the trauma is often experienced in a traumatic way, and most often has lingering effects.  If someone was beaten as a child, then later in life if someone hits them or is aggressive toward them, the damage done from the original beating will revisit the experience and they may be re-traumatized.   In popular Christian writing today, many authors use the term woundedness to describe the more clinical term abuse.  The trauma is the result of having experienced or endured the abuse or wounds from another.

So the term trauma the way I understand it – is the result of anything we experience, visually, experientially, or physically that has a potent and lasting effect on our perceptions and ability to function personally and in relationship.

I asked three different counselors at MARR if they considered early exposure to pornography traumatic.  Doug Brush, Paul Feuerzeig, and Dave Devitt all said yes they do. Doug said early exposure to porn begins a fantasy process among boys that isn’t real.  This process is carried into adulthood, as well as the process of objectifying women.  These early experiences continue the fantasy life of unreal images and  objectification that gets carried into relationships and negatively affects intimacy throughout their life.

Paul Feuerzeig said early exposure to porn first impacts and affects the arousal template – which is set from about age 6 – 10 years old.  It will impact what arouses an individual, and then it will take extreme stuff to arouse that impacted person.  Therefore the typical and healthy progression  is gone.  The effects on future relationships are ongoing.

Paul continued by saying this early exposure to porn often leads to an extreme sense of sexual insecurity, both in observing and comparing the physical of what is viewed on the monitor with the person’s own physical characteristics – leaving the person with a “less than” self-perception.  Additionally, there is an insecurity of performance anxiety – so the person is left with the feeling of “less than” regarding his personal self-expectation.  The young viewer of porn is left with the transition of wrongfully equating sex with intimacy.

Dave Devitt said pornography trauma is, “too soon too much too often.” Pornography seems to assail the God-given structure of the human arousal template. The pornography may compromise the arousal template. Continuing to view porn or frequent viewing of porn, especially in young viewers, exacerbates the sensitivity and the response demand of the neuronal network. The brain becomes blunted and almost oblivious to reality – and only responds to unreality. This demonstrates the progressive nature of the brain demanding more and more stimulation just to function normally.

All three of these counselors have answered this question from their perspective and their own personal work with many men over the years who have no doubt been traumatized by pornography.  I agree with their conclusions and appreciate their willingness to share their  views.  It is interesting to me that each counselor believes that early exposure to porn is traumatic.

Part of the problem that men have trying to understand that early exposure to porn is traumatic is because young boys and young teens don’t remember their first porn experience as a negative, bad, or “traumatic” experience.  Every man I’ve talked to who reflects on his first viewing of porn remembers it as a memorable or pleasurable experience.  For them trauma and pleasure aren’t synonymous.  For them pleasure = feel good, and trauma = feel bad.  And since they did not feel bad while viewing porn, they conclude how could that be a traumatic or bad experience?

Let’s say a 10 year old boy views porn on the Internet.  He may have a number of reactions to it.  But let’s say he is intrigued, fascinated, and aroused by it.  After the experience is over he may have many conclusions.  He may conclude that he wants to view more of that kind of stuff.  He may be confused.  He may think that he will return to view more at a later time.  In this example, none of his conclusions are negative or experienced as traumatic to him.  But the impact in his life, and the impact on his life, and the many unforeseen consequences are the traumatic part.  His perception of  how women behave, what they are on earth for, how he is to relate to them, what they are interested in, and what arouses him, have been drastically altered – after viewing the porn.  He cannot go back and un-see what he has seen.  Some damage has been done, and more viewing of porn is bound to do more damage and produce more trauma.  He is, in a sense traumatizing himself, although he thinks he is doing what feels good and maybe even getting by with something.  The consequences are there.  They are extensive and traumatic.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line” custom_height=”20″][vc_column_text]I wish I could shield every young boy from porn.  I wish I could eradicate it from the earth.  In my opinion, it serves no good purpose, and I regret that I ever saw any.  I worry about my grandsons.  My oldest is 7 years old.  Some of you men saw your first porn when you were 6, 7, and 8 years old.  That breaks my heart for you to have been exposed to the damaging effects of pornography.

I hope this blog provides some answer to the astute question – Why is early exposure to porn traumatic?[

By Brittany Hopkins, LAPC

So, Valentine’s Day has come and gone. No more naked babies with bows and arrows, ribboned heart-shaped boxes containing every manner of chocolate, and long-stemmed red roses galore.

But what remains for the other 364 days of the year is the driving force behind this celebration: love. Seemingly so pure and simple, love in all its forms is a critical aspect of the human condition.

Love, namely self-love in the form of body acceptance, is addressed nearly every day at our women’s center.

Clients enter our 90-day program due to a substance addiction. Although these women do not have a diagnosable eating disorder, they often engage in disordered eating and have very negative body images. It is not unusual for a female client to exist in an adversarial relationship with her physical being. She perceives her body as separate from herself–as a despised enemy simply because it does not look the way she wants. Perhaps she was teased or bullied as a young girl for being awkward, overweight, or possessing any number of physical traits that were completely normal for her age and gender, but not acceptable in her peer group.  Now, grown up, she continues to war with her body by restricting, binging and purging or eating compulsively.

Increasingly, we are also seeing women who bought into the panacea of gastric bypass or lap band surgery, only to discover the many flaws inherent to these procedures. Because such radical physical intervention does not deal with the underlying issues behind the overeating, these women often turn to alcohol to cope. Not only is the dreaded weight frequently regained, but now alcoholism is a very real problem.

Through our disordered eating program, we do everything possible to help these women in two areas. The first involves establishing a healthy relationship with food. Often, if a woman has been active in her addiction for quite some time, she has lost touch with what normal eating looks like and what hunger and fullness cues feel like. Throughout treatment, the hope is to reconnect her to her body and embrace intuitive eating. Therefore, after completing a screening assessment, each client meets with a nutritionist to establish a basic meal plan.

Our second goal is to alter her perception and importantly, improve her body acceptance. Toward that end, our clients participate in a number of weekly groups including a process group and a meal group. The former is a way for her to explore underlying thoughts and feelings related to her disordered eating behaviors, while the latter deals with working towards having a healthy relationship with food.

The body acceptance group, attended by all residents, focuses on body image. Often clients engage in activities designed to unite the mind and body and thus negate the adversarial relationship. An assignment might encourage a woman to write a paragraph on her authentic beauty; the goal is to reframe old ways of thinking and shift the focus from what they hate about their bodies to what they actually might like.

A profoundly positive adjunct to this group is the weekly yoga class. Not only is the focus fully on the body, but through postures and poses, our clients grow to respect, value and appreciate their physical beings in a whole new fashion.  These are women who definitively recognize that through drugs, alcohol, overeating or undereating, they have damaged their bodies; and yet, their bodies continue to function magnificently.

Sustainable sobriety is certainly the most important goal for our clients. However, helping to achieve a level of body acceptance is also highly valued. This doesn’t happen overnight. Not unlike recovery, learning to accept what “is” takes making a series of positive choices over a period of time. It also necessitates focusing on the solution rather than the problem. Repeatedly saying “I hate my body,” is counterproductive. If a woman can focus on even one thing she likes about herself each day, she is on a positive path of acceptance and peace.

By Jim Seckman, MAC, CACII, CCS

The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough is love. Henry Miller

Love is all you need. The Beatles

Ah, February, the month that we come up against Valentine’s Day. And whether you wholeheartedly plunge into the spirit of the day with cards, candies, and gifts for your loved one(s), or you believe that it’s a made-up holiday for the purpose of selling greeting cards, or the memorial celebration of the actual St. Valentine, it is a reminder of a very real facet of everyone’s life: love.

Love has been described as the most powerful force in the universe; the quality, the emotion, the feeling that will eventually overcome all else. This intense feeling of deep affection for our son, daughter, mother, father, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, or partner is the most written about, sung about, talked about, acted out, and misunderstood aspect of our humanity.

Love speaks to and from our heart.

But, when it comes to addiction, what’s love got to do with it? It seems like when our loved one begins to use drugs or alcohol, it gets all mixed up and confusing and agonizing. Suddenly, all the familiar feelings and behaviors get all twisted around into something unrecognizable. Our heart feels broken.

We want to still show that we love the person, but somehow, it’s all different.

When a person uses alcohol or drugs, it produces a change in the form and function of the brain that increases the level of a neurotransmitter called dopamine to such a level that the “top down” rational control of the prefrontal cortex is compromised, making it impossible for the person to make logical decisions or engage in relationships like they used to. And, because structures in the brain that have to do with memory are also affected, the drug gets linked to survival.

When that happens, they are willing to separate themselves from their loved ones and will do most anything to use again, because of the connection of the drug to survival gets locked into place.

Addiction radically affects every aspect of a person’s life: physical, mental, emotional, social, familial, spiritual. Everything is subordinated to the drug.

Even love.

The spiritual core of our disease is self-centeredness. In dealing with others, the only motive our addiction taught us was selfishness—we wanted what we wanted when we wanted it. Obsession with self was rooted in the very ground of our lives. (From Just for Today by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)

But you still feel the same towards them. You love them and it’s confusing and painful to watch them and your family go through this.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Robert A. Heinlein

I know you want what’s best for them. You want them to be free of pain. You want them to feel the love that you’re expressing to them. But, sometimes when we think we’re acting out of love with an intention of helping them it becomes something else: something that, instead of helping our loved one, becomes supportive of their continued drug use. Something that enables them to keep on using.

It is difficult to separate the disease of addiction, with the attendant behaviors and attitudes, from the person you know and love. And they will express very convincing arguments as to why they should get what they want. Then you’re left feeling frustrated and confused with a sense that something is just not right. Somehow, they seemed to have used your wanting the best for them to the advantage of the disease.

Trust yourself. When you feel frustrated, confused and/or anxious about their behaviors, their attitudes, and their arguments, just know that it is probably the disease that is speaking and is not in the best interest of your loved one or your family. Holding onto your boundaries is not hurting your loved one, it is holding the line against the hurt of addiction.

It’s really not that you don’t love them or trust them; you don’t (and shouldn’t) love or trust their addiction.