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Oxycodone & Anxiety: Can Oxycodone Cause Anxiety?

Many people wonder if oxycodone helps with anxiety or makes it worse. 

While oxycodone may temporarily reduce anxiety through pain relief and sedation, chronic use increases anxiety over time due to tolerance, dependence, and withdrawal effects. 

This article examines the complex relationship between oxycodone and anxiety, helping you understand when this medication might provide short-term relief versus when it becomes part of the problem.

Does Oxycodone Help With Anxiety Short-Term?

Oxycodone can provide temporary anxiety relief in specific situations, but this effect is indirect rather than therapeutic. When treating severe pain, oxycodone reduces the anxiety that often accompanies intense physical discomfort. The medication works by activating mu-opioid receptors, which suppresses the locus coeruleus noradrenergic neurons responsible for arousal and hypervigilance.

This neurological suppression can create a sense of calm, especially when pain levels drop significantly. However, this anxiolytic effect stems from pain relief and sedation, not from any direct anti-anxiety properties. Some patients also experience euphoria or drowsiness that temporarily masks anxious feelings.

The calming effects typically occur during:

  • Acute pain episodes requiring immediate relief
  • Post-surgical recovery periods
  • Severe injury management
  • Cancer-related pain treatment

Even in these scenarios, individual responses vary widely. Some patients experience dysphoria or paradoxical agitation instead of relief.

Can Oxycodone Cause Anxiety Over Time?

Long-term oxycodone use creates multiple pathways that increase anxiety. The 2020 AHRQ review found that chronic opioid therapy often worsens mental health outcomes rather than improving them.

Tolerance and Dependence

As your body adapts to regular oxycodone use, several concerning changes occur:

  • Tolerance development: You need higher doses to achieve the same pain relief
  • Physical dependence: Your nervous system relies on the drug to function normally
  • Inter-dose withdrawal: Anxiety emerges as blood levels drop between doses

Neurological Changes

Chronic oxycodone exposure triggers significant brain adaptations. The initial suppression of noradrenergic activity reverses over time, leading to noradrenergic rebound when drug levels decline. This rebound manifests as:

  • Racing heart and sweating
  • Restlessness and irritability
  • Heightened anxiety and panic
  • Sleep disturbances

Additionally, chronic use activates the dynorphin/kappa-opioid system, which promotes dysphoria and anxiety-like states. This “anti-reward” system reinforces drug-seeking behavior while amplifying negative emotions.

Oxycodone Withdrawal and Anxiety

Anxiety ranks among the most prominent symptoms of opioid withdrawal. Clinical summaries consistently list anxiety, restlessness, and insomnia as hallmark withdrawal features that typically begin within hours of the last dose.

The withdrawal process involves:

TimeframeSymptomsUnderlying Mechanism
4-12 hoursEarly anxiety, restlessnessDeclining opioid blood levels
24-48 hoursPeak anxiety, panic attacksNoradrenergic hyperactivity
3-7 daysPersistent worry, sleep issuesStress circuit dysregulation
Weeks-monthsLingering anxiety episodesSlow neuroadaptation recovery

Many patients experience “inter-dose withdrawal” even while taking prescribed oxycodone. This occurs when anxiety and restlessness develop before the next scheduled dose, creating a cycle where patients need the medication not for pain relief but to prevent withdrawal symptoms.

Who is Most at Risk for Oxycodone-Related Anxiety?

Several factors increase the likelihood that oxycodone will worsen rather than improve anxiety:

Pre-existing Mental Health Conditions

Patients with baseline anxiety disorders face elevated risks when using opioids. The combination creates a dangerous cycle where anxiety drives increased opioid use, while opioid use worsens anxiety over time.

Duration and Dosage

Risk increases dramatically with:

  • Higher daily doses: CDC data shows exponential overdose risk above 50 morphine milligram equivalents per day
  • Extended use periods: Months or years of therapy versus days or weeks
  • Extended-release formulations: These create more pronounced withdrawal between doses

Concurrent Medications

Certain drug combinations amplify anxiety risks:

  • Benzodiazepines: While prescribed for anxiety, combining with opioids increases overdose risk and complicates withdrawal
  • Antidepressants: Create their own withdrawal syndromes that can overlap with opioid withdrawal
  • Sleep medications: Add to central nervous system depression and withdrawal complexity

Age and Health Status

Older adults show particular vulnerability to oxycodone’s mental health effects, including increased rates of delirium, confusion, and opioid-induced androgen deficiency that can worsen mood symptoms.

Safer Alternatives for Anxiety Management

Rather than relying on oxycodone for anxiety relief, evidence-based treatments offer better long-term outcomes:

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy: Addresses anxiety thought patterns and behaviors
  • SSRI/SNRI antidepressants: Provide dual benefits for anxiety and chronic pain
  • Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Build coping skills without medication risks
  • Physical therapy and exercise: Address pain sources while improving mood

For patients already using oxycodone, gradual tapering with professional support minimizes withdrawal anxiety while transitioning to safer treatments.

Why Does This Matter for Your Health?

Understanding oxycodone’s relationship with anxiety helps you make informed decisions about pain management and mental health care. While short-term use might provide temporary relief when treating severe pain, the medication’s tendency to worsen anxiety over time makes it unsuitable as an anxiety treatment.

The 2022 CDC guidelines emphasize avoiding long-term opioid therapy for most chronic pain conditions, particularly in patients with mental health concerns. Instead, comprehensive pain management combining non-opioid medications, therapy, and lifestyle modifications typically produces better outcomes with fewer risks.

If you’re struggling with anxiety related to opioid use or withdrawal, professional support can help you safely transition to more effective treatments. Don’t let temporary relief today create bigger problems tomorrow.

Getting help for anxiety and substance concerns requires specialized care that addresses both issues simultaneously. Consider reaching out to addiction counseling professionals who understand the complex relationship between opioids and mental health.

How Long is PHP Treatment: Partial Hospitalization Program Schedule

If you’re wondering how long PHP treatment lasts, you’re likely facing a difficult decision about intensive mental health care. 

Most Partial Hospitalization Programs run for 3 to 6 weeks, with adults typically completing treatment in about 4 to 5 weeks and adolescents averaging 3 to 4 weeks. 

This article will break down PHP schedules, daily structures, and the factors that determine treatment duration to help you understand what to expect.

What is PHP Treatment Duration?

PHP treatment duration varies based on individual needs, but regulatory guidelines and clinical evidence point to consistent patterns. Medicare defines PHP as requiring a minimum of 20 hours of therapeutic services per week, delivered through intensive daily programming typically lasting 6 to 7 hours per day.

The short-term nature of PHP makes it different from longer outpatient programs. While Intensive Outpatient Programs often run 6 to 10 weeks, PHP’s higher intensity allows for faster stabilization and symptom management.

Typical PHP Schedule Structure

Daily Schedule Framework

Most PHP programs follow a structured 5-day weekly schedule. North Dakota’s youth PHP program specifies six hours per day, five days per week, which represents the standard approach across programs.

A typical PHP day includes:

  • Group therapy sessions (3-4 hours total)
  • Individual therapy (1-2 sessions per week)
  • Family therapy (weekly minimum for youth programs)
  • Psychiatric medication management
  • Nursing and health education
  • Occupational or recreational therapy
  • Educational components (for adolescent programs)

Weekly Intensity Requirements

PHP programs must meet specific intensity thresholds to qualify for insurance coverage. The 20-hour weekly minimum ensures patients receive hospital-level care while returning home each evening. This structure allows for comprehensive treatment without the disruption of inpatient hospitalization.

How Long Does PHP Treatment Last by Population?

Adult PHP Duration

Adult PHP programs typically last 3 to 6 weeks. Research on virtual PHP programs describes treatment as “short-term, up to 6 weeks,” with most adults completing programs within this timeframe.

Studies comparing telehealth to in-person PHP found that virtual programs extend treatment by an average of 2.8 days. This modest increase may reflect the convenience and accessibility of virtual care, allowing patients to engage more consistently.

Adolescent PHP Duration

Youth programs tend to be shorter than adult programs. State program specifications cite an average length of stay of 3 to 4 weeks for adolescent PHP treatment.

Adolescent programs often include:

  • Daily academic components (1-2 hours)
  • Weekly family therapy requirements
  • School reintegration planning
  • Developmentally appropriate group content

Specialized PHP Programs

Eating disorder day programs may vary in duration based on medical stabilization needs. However, systematic reviews of youth eating disorder programs show effectiveness within several weeks, consistent with standard PHP timeframes.

Factors That Influence PHP Treatment Length

Clinical Factors

Treatment duration depends on several clinical considerations:

  • Symptom severity and acuity
  • Response to interventions
  • Medication stabilization needs
  • Risk factors (suicidality, self-harm)
  • Family engagement and support systems

Insurance and Authorization

Medicare Advantage plans require prior authorization for PHP treatment in 91% of cases. Approvals typically come in 5 to 10-day blocks, with reauthorization based on documented progress. This system naturally creates the observed 3 to 6-week treatment courses.

Program Structure and Discharge Planning

Effective PHP programs include structured discharge planning with tapering intensity. Clinical guidelines recommend reducing weekly visit frequency as patients near discharge to support transition to lower levels of care.

Virtual vs. In-Person PHP Schedules

Virtual PHP programs maintain the same intensity and structure as in-person treatment. Research shows that telehealth PHP can achieve comparable or superior outcomes, including higher attendance rates and reduced hospitalization.

Key considerations for virtual PHP:

  • Same daily hour requirements (6-7 hours)
  • HIPAA-compliant video platforms
  • Structured attendance tracking
  • Technology backup plans
  • Slightly longer average duration (2-3 additional days)

PHP vs. IOP: Duration Differences

The intensity difference between PHP and IOP directly affects treatment duration. While PHP requires 20+ hours weekly and typically lasts 3 to 6 weeks, IOP programs often run longer, averaging 8 weeks or more at 9+ hours per week.

This inverse relationship reflects treatment philosophy: higher intensity programs achieve stabilization faster, while lower intensity programs require longer engagement for similar outcomes.

What to Expect During PHP Treatment?

Week 1-2: Assessment and Stabilization

  • Comprehensive psychiatric evaluation
  • Medication adjustments
  • Crisis stabilization
  • Treatment plan development

Week 3-4: Skill Building and Progress

  • Intensive group therapy participation
  • Individual therapy sessions
  • Family engagement
  • Symptom monitoring and adjustment

Week 5-6: Discharge Preparation

  • Intensity tapering
  • Transition planning
  • IOP or outpatient referrals
  • Relapse prevention planning

Planning for PHP Treatment Duration

When planning for PHP treatment, expect:

  1. Adults: 4 to 5 weeks on average (3 to 6-week range)
  2. Adolescents: 3 to 4 weeks average
  3. Virtual programs: Add 2 to 3 days to typical duration
  4. Insurance: Multiple authorization periods throughout treatment

Programs should document progress regularly to support reauthorization requests and ensure continuous care without interruption.

If you or a loved one needs intensive mental health support, PHP treatment offers an effective alternative to hospitalization. With proper planning and realistic expectations about duration, PHP can provide the stabilization and skills needed for long-term recovery. 

Contact our PHP program to learn more about our structured treatment approach and how we can support your recovery journey.

How Do Gender Roles Affect Mental Health: Mental Health & Gender

Gender roles shape how we express distress, seek help, and access mental health care far more than they determine who develops mental health conditions. 

Research across 40 countries reveals that traditional masculinity norms reduce help-seeking behavior while increasing suicide risk, yet women still experience higher rates of depression and anxiety regardless of changing social roles. 

This article examines the complex ways gender and mental health intersect through biological vulnerabilities, social expectations, and systemic barriers.

Gender Roles Create Barriers to Mental Health Care

Traditional gender expectations create distinct pathways that influence mental health outcomes. Men who strongly endorse masculine norms like self-reliance and emotional restriction face significant barriers to seeking professional help. 

A systematic review found that conformity to traditional masculinity consistently predicts negative attitudes toward psychological services, with self-stigma serving as a key mediator.

The consequences extend beyond individual reluctance. Men often express depression through externalizing behaviors like anger, substance use, and risk-taking rather than the internalizing symptoms that screening tools typically capture. 

This mismatch contributes to under-detection and delayed intervention, potentially explaining why male suicide rates remain more than double those of women globally despite lower reported depression rates.

Social Expectations Shape Symptom Expression

Gender roles influence not just whether people seek help, but how mental health symptoms manifest. 

Research using the Masculine Depression Scale shows that men who strongly endorse masculine traits report fewer typical internalizing depression symptoms but higher externalizing features. This pattern suggests that depression may be equally present but expressed differently based on gender role expectations.

Women face different challenges rooted in caregiving expectations and work-family stress. The disproportionate burden of childcare and domestic responsibilities creates specific risk factors for mood and anxiety disorders, particularly during major life transitions like childbirth.

Policy Changes Demonstrate Gender Role Impact

Evidence from family policy reforms provides compelling proof of how gender roles affect mental health. 

Sweden’s 2012 reform allowing fathers to take simultaneous paid parental leave with mothers resulted in measurable maternal health benefits. The quasi-experimental study found that when fathers could stay home during the first postpartum month, maternal specialist and inpatient complications decreased significantly.

Similarly, research across European countries shows that generous maternity leave policies correlate with fewer depressive symptoms among women later in life. These findings demonstrate how structural policies that redistribute gendered caregiving responsibilities can improve mental health outcomes.

  • Flexible paternal leave reduces maternal postpartum complications
  • Generous maternity benefits protect against later-life depression
  • Universal childcare programs decrease family stress and improve wellbeing
  • Joint parental leave increases access to mental health treatment

Sex Differences in Mental Health Persist Across Cultures

Despite significant changes in women’s social roles over recent decades, fundamental sex differences in mental health patterns remain remarkably stable. 

The World Mental Health survey analyzed data from 15 countries and found that women consistently show higher lifetime odds of mood and anxiety disorders, while men have higher rates of externalizing and substance use disorders.

Crucially, these patterns persisted across countries with varying levels of female gender role traditionality and across different birth cohorts. 

This suggests that while gender roles significantly influence how mental health conditions are expressed and treated, they may not be the primary driver of underlying risk distributions.

Cultural Context Matters for Mental Health Expression

The relationship between gender roles and mental health varies significantly across cultural contexts. Research indicates that the health impact of negative emotions differs based on cultural acceptance of distress. 

In societies where negative emotions are viewed as informative rather than deviant, the mental health consequences of experiencing distress may be reduced.

This cultural variation has important implications for global mental health initiatives. Interventions that work in one cultural context may not translate effectively to others without considering local gender role expectations and emotional norms.

Modern Challenges Intensify Gender Role Pressures

Contemporary work environments and digital platforms create new pressures that interact with traditional gender roles. Remote work, while offering flexibility, can intensify emotional demands through increased self-imposed pressure and social isolation. 

Systematic review evidence shows that teleworking, particularly when full-time, heightens stress through technology-induced privacy invasions and blurred work-life boundaries.

The “always-on” culture of modern workplaces disproportionately affects those already struggling with mental health conditions. Policy responses like “right to disconnect” laws in France, Australia, and other jurisdictions recognize that perpetual availability carries significant psychosocial risks.

Social media environments compound these challenges by creating curated displays of happiness and success that can intensify social comparison and reinforce narrow emotional norms. 

These platforms often amplify the message that positive emotions are expected while negative emotions should be hidden or quickly resolved.

Clinical Implications for Gender-Sensitive Care

Understanding how gender roles affect mental health has direct implications for clinical practice. Healthcare providers need screening tools that capture both internalizing and externalizing depression symptoms to avoid missing male presentations. Similarly, treatment approaches should account for gendered help-seeking preferences without reinforcing harmful stereotypes.

For men, this might mean offering problem-focused, action-oriented interventions while explicitly addressing self-stigma around seeking help. For women, comprehensive care should consider the intersection of mental health with reproductive health, caregiving responsibilities, and work-family stress.

Training healthcare providers to recognize gendered symptom presentations and address gender-specific barriers to care represents a crucial step toward more equitable mental health outcomes.

Why Gender-Informed Mental Health Care Matters?

The evidence clearly shows that gender roles affect mental health primarily through their impact on symptom expression, help-seeking behavior, and access to appropriate care. 

While biological sex differences in mental health risks appear relatively stable across cultures and time periods, the pathways from distress to diagnosis and treatment are heavily influenced by social expectations.

This understanding points toward targeted interventions that address gendered barriers rather than attempting to eliminate sex differences in mental health conditions entirely. By focusing on improving detection, reducing stigma, and creating more flexible treatment approaches, we can better serve all individuals regardless of how gender roles shape their mental health experiences.

If you’re struggling with mental health challenges and want support that understands how gender expectations might be affecting your experience, consider reaching out for professional help that takes a comprehensive, individualized approach to your wellbeing.

Cocaine & Depression: Can Cocaine Cause Depression?

Cocaine use can trigger depression through complex brain changes that disrupt dopamine pathways and stress systems. 

Research shows that chronic cocaine use leads to sustained hypodopaminergia during withdrawal, creating anhedonia and depressive symptoms that can persist for weeks or months. 

This article explores the mechanisms behind cocaine-induced depression and evidence-based treatment approaches.

How Cocaine Affects Brain Chemistry?

Cocaine blocks dopamine transporters, rapidly elevating dopamine levels in reward pathways during intoxication. However, repeated use triggers opponent processes where the brain recalibrates downward. 

When cocaine is removed, dopamine tone drops below baseline, manifesting as anhedonia, low motivation, and depressive symptoms.

This hyperdopaminergic to hypodopaminergic transition mirrors patterns seen in Parkinson’s disease, where dopamine deficiency causes depression and apathy. The neuroadaptations that drive this shift include several key changes in brain function.

Dopamine Receptor Changes

PET imaging studies consistently show reduced striatal D2/D3 receptor availability in cocaine users. These receptors are crucial for reward processing and impulse control. Lower D2 levels predict greater reinforcing responses to stimulants and impaired top-down control over behavior.

Meta-analyses confirm significantly reduced D2/D3 receptor availability across stimulant users, representing an allostatic downward shift in dopaminergic tone that underlies withdrawal depression.

Impaired Dopamine Release and Synthesis

Active cocaine users show markedly blunted dopamine responses to stimulant challenges compared to controls. This hypodopaminergia directly correlates with anhedonia severity during withdrawal.

FDOPA PET studies reveal decreasing dopamine synthesis capacity with increasing withdrawal duration, suggesting protracted presynaptic dysfunction that can persist long after cessation.

Dopamine Transporter Upregulation

During acute abstinence, cocaine users show elevated dopamine transporter availability, potentially accelerating dopamine clearance and worsening hypodopaminergia when cocaine is absent. This adaptation compounds withdrawal dysphoria.

Stress System Dysregulation

Cocaine acutely activates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis. Chronic HPA dysregulation correlates with depressive symptoms in cocaine users and may perpetuate negative mood states during abstinence.

Brain-derived neurotrophic factor alterations also contribute to cocaine-induced depression. BDNF is central to synaptic plasticity and mood regulation, and biomarker models combining BDNF and cortisol measurements may help identify substance-induced versus independent depression.

Clinical Features of Cocaine Depression

Cocaine use is closely linked with profound depressive episodes, particularly during withdrawal. These mood disturbances often extend beyond temporary sadness, reflecting neurochemical imbalances that shape both emotional well-being and recovery challenges:

Depression During Withdrawal

Clinical studies identify a distinct “RDS+” withdrawal depression phenotype characterized by apathy, anhedonia, and anxiety. These symptoms align with hypodopaminergic behavioral markers across the intoxication-withdrawal cycle.

The temporal clustering of depression symptoms during early withdrawal supports a mechanistic link to cocaine’s neuroadaptations rather than coincidental comorbidity.

Risk Factors for Cocaine-Induced Depression

  1. Route of administration: Crack cocaine use carries higher psychiatric burden, including depression, anxiety, and suicidality, compared to powder cocaine
  2. Trauma exposure: Sexual and physical violence among crack users compounds HPA dysregulation and worsens depressive outcomes
  3. Individual vulnerability: Low baseline D2 receptor availability predicts stronger reinforcing responses and greater depression risk
  4. Polysubstance use: Co-occurring opioid or alcohol use complicates mood assessment and treatment

Treatment Approaches for Cocaine and Depression

Addressing the overlap of cocaine use and depression requires a multi-pronged treatment plan that targets both conditions simultaneously:

Behavioral Interventions

Contingency management shows the strongest evidence for cocaine use disorder across multiple reviews. By providing immediate reinforcement for negative drug tests, CM helps normalize reward contingencies and can indirectly reduce depressive symptoms.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy provides durable skills for relapse prevention and emotion regulation, addressing both substance use and mood symptoms simultaneously.

Pharmacotherapy Considerations

No medications are FDA-approved for cocaine use disorder. Antidepressant efficacy is mixed, with SSRIs showing limited benefit and potentially worsening retention in some contexts.

Bupropion, a dopamine/norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor, showed increased abstinence in some trials, particularly when combined with contingency management. This aligns with targeting hypodopaminergia underlying cocaine-induced depression.

Neuromodulation

High-frequency rTMS targeting the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex improves depressive symptoms in cocaine users in randomized controlled trials. While effects on cocaine use vary, rTMS may help break the negative affect-relapse cycle when combined with behavioral treatments.

The Causal Pathway: How Cocaine Causes Depression?

Based on converging evidence, cocaine causes depression through a multi-step mechanism:

  • Acute dopamine surges during use produce euphoria and reinforce drug-taking
  • Compensatory neuroadaptations emerge: D2 downregulation, elevated DAT, decreased synthesis capacity
  • Baseline dopamine tone drops, reducing capacity for reward reactivity and producing anhedonia
  • Stress-axis sensitization compounds dopamine deficits during withdrawal
  • Prefrontal network dysfunction reduces cognitive control and increases rumination
  • Environmental factors like trauma, rapid-delivery routes, and individual vulnerabilities amplify risk

This cascade explains how initial euphoria transitions to persistent anhedonia and depression, creating a reinforcing cycle where negative mood drives continued use.

Why Does This Matter?

Understanding cocaine’s capacity to cause depression has important clinical implications. Depression in cocaine users isn’t merely coincidental but represents a pathophysiological consequence of the drug’s neuroadaptations. This means treating depression is integral to treating the addiction itself.

The most effective approach combines contingency management and cognitive-behavioral therapy as foundational interventions, with targeted adjuncts like rTMS for mood symptoms. Future progress depends on precision approaches that match treatments to neurobiological profiles rather than one-size-fits-all pharmacotherapy.

If you’re struggling with cocaine use and depression, comprehensive treatment addressing both conditions simultaneously offers the best path forward. Contact our team to learn about evidence-based treatment options that can help break the cycle of addiction and mood disorders.

Dave Devitt Reflects on Lessons Learned at MARR Treatment Centers

Dave Devitt Reflects on Lessons Learned at MARR

In his own words, Dave Devitt was “prematurely discharged after 34 months in treatment.” Spending a total of 33 years at MARR, first as a client and then as a staff member, Dave became one of MARR’s most storied and beloved counselors.

 

Dave is now living in McDonough on the Georgia National Golf Course with his wife Sandy. Dave also has a stepson named Jake. Dave and his wife also spends part of the year in North Port, Florida at Wellen Park Renaissance–a place that Dave notes is very near CoolToday Park, the spring training facility for the Atlanta Braves. 

 

What are some of the biggest lessons that you learned from your time at MARR as a staff member?

 

Over the course of 33 years, here are a few of the things I learned:

  • Valid recovery cannot be coerced or legislated; it’s an invitation.
  • Criticism – of any kind – is toxic. Only love and God can heal.
  • Laughter is the best medicine for the troubled soul
  • A principle articulated by M. Scott Peck: “Addiction is a spiritual disease; it requires a spiritual solution.”
  • Recovery begins when the addict/alcoholic says it does. It will always be a clumsy beginning.
  • Acceptance is the resolution to all personal distress.
  • Trust the disease, not the diseased.
  • Addicted people are just like non-addicted people–just more so.
  • A good therapist knows what’s going on in the group. A great therapist knows what is going on with himself–and keeps that knowledge to himself while in the group.
  • Don’t work or put more effort into a patient’s recovery than he does.
  • Give yourself and others the right and the privilege to be wrong.
  • If you’re in recovery, or trying to get there—remember there is nothing you’ve ever done that you can’t be forgiven for.
  • “I don’t know” are powerfully therapeutic words.
  • The only power we have is over our next choice. Nothing else counts.
  • Mistakes will happen. The world, the universe, ourselves, and our lives are not subject to fairness or justice.
  • Another quote from M. Scott Peck: “Life is difficult; it’s supposed to be”
  • God is good, but not codependent.
  • It is abusive to do for someone else that they are quite capable of doing for themselves.
  • Kindness and civility to others are crucial to a therapeutic milieu, but not at the expense of 12 Step Principles.
  • Addicted populations are smart people. Don’t talk down to them; don’t talk at them; don’t even talk to them. Just share your thoughts and feelings with them.
  • A question like, “What the hell were you thinking?” is a valid inquiry.

 

What was it like for you to be part of such a tightly knit treatment team?

 

The MARR treatment model, from the provider perspective, was essentially a “multidisciplinary structure.” Across the years and to varying levels, the team was comprised of folks who came to MARR from several different disciplines. For example, we had people with backgrounds in Social Work, Divinity School, Psychology, and Mental Health. We would convene and muddle around with each member voicing their perspectives for treating each individual in treatment.

 

Sometimes these were quietly focused chats, and other times not so quiet. Sometimes there was unanimity. Sometimes there were competing concepts. Each patient was their own subject of a discussion. It didn’t matter whether the issue was therapeutic leave, treatment progress, movement from one phase to another, or a variety of disciplinary issues. The more we met, the more we muddled.

 

Yet because each member loved and cared for each patient’s well-being and spiritual progress, we would eventually arrive at some sort of tentative agreement that seemed to benefit the patient. It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t graceful. But as a group with diverse styles and theories, we stayed faithful to trusting the process and trusting God.

Each one of us could stink up the room at any given time. We weren’t a smooth fluid team running always successful schematics like the Clemson Tigers running a “third and Renfro out route to the chains.” But we muddled through. The patients, who seldom agreed with our findings, most of the time knew they were loved and valued! We had to trust the process and trust God. It was just like making sausage!

 

 

What would you pass on to someone who is new in the field?

            I came to MARR to learn how to imperfectly love and care for the imperfect individuals that comprised our case load! I never had a job at MARR; I had an opportunity to help, if the patients could tolerate my imperfections and ineptitudes! 

            I learned how to give and receive love and spiritual support! I learned how to love. I learned how to live. I learned how to give and learned how to receive. In the process, I learned how to love living!

Also, see answers to Question 1

 

 

What was it about MARR that kept you here for so many years?

LOVE. MARR gave me a steady supply of folks I could serve and love. I tried to love the Men’s Recovery Center patients the same way that MARR loved me before I was prematurely discharged after 34 months in treatment! Thank you, Matt Shedd, for allowing me to share my thoughts with the MARR community.

Forever Grateful | Alumna Story by Haley C.

Forever Grateful: The Alumna Story by Haley C.

What Life Was Like Then 

I grew up in a small town in South Georgia known as Jesup. I was raised in a loving home, where my father worked hard as an attorney and my mother stayed home with my older sister and me. Growing up, my sister and I were involved in activities like dance, drama, 4-H, band, and student council. I had the perfect childhood. I made good grades in school and belonged to the popular crowd. However, I always felt different, like I never really fit in. I attributed that to being tall (I am 5’10 ½”). I just knew something was off and I constantly sought others’ approval.

I was 15 years old when I had my first alcoholic drink. I was visiting a friend who was in the same performing arts group as me. Her parents were divorced and a lot more lenient than mine. I wasn’t allowed to go to parties growing up, and I have never seen my parents take a drink in my life. While visiting my friend, we went to a party—it was the first time I got drunk and the first time I blacked out. (I was a blackout drinker from the beginning.) My experience was exactly like the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) describes: “I had arrived.” All I knew is that when I was drunk, I finally felt like I fit in. This is what I had been missing. From that moment on, I chased the feeling of my first drink.

I drank a handful of times throughout high school, each time drinking to get drunk. During my senior year, I entered our local Miss Georgia preliminary pageant. My intention was only to win the talent portion for scholarship money. However, I ended up winning the title and started my preparation for competing in Miss Georgia. During the final days of my senior year, I went to junior/ senior prom weekend on Jekyll Island, located off the coast of Georgia. I drank excessively and was caught/fined by the Georgia State Patrol for underage drinking—my first real consequence from drinking. It embarrassed my family and the community; they had trusted me to be a role model. This was also the first time I swore off drinking.

I finished high school and competed in Miss Georgia, where I won preliminary talent and receiving a non-finalist talent scholarship. Afterwards, I went to school at Georgia College and State University.

College served as the ideal platform for partying, and my drinking escalated. I had never experienced such freedom. With that freedom, I chose to drink as much as I could, as often as I could. As my alcohol consumption progressed, I developed an eating disorder as well. I withdrew from school during my second semester to get “help” for my eating disorder, but never addressed my drinking.

I transferred to Valdosta State University the following year, hoping for a fresh start. But the problem was me, and I take ‘me’ everywhere I go. Valdosta was much of the same, but my drinking got progressively worse. I began using drugs along with drinking heavily. My drugs of choice at that time were marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy and Adderall. Once again, after burning all of my bridges in Valdosta, I dropped out during the second semester and moved back home.

After trying – and failing – to “maintain” my substance use at home with my parents, I knew I needed help. I entered an intensive outpatient program (IOP) in St. Simons Island, Georgia, in the fall of 2002. Although I learned a tremendous amount about recovery and was introduced to AA, I could not manage to stay sober. In May of 2003, I headed to Hattiesburg, Mississippi, for residential treatment. While living in Hattiesburg, I stayed sober, established a sober network, graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications and got married. Life was good.

What Happened 

Throughout my years in Hattiesburg, a lot had changed for me. I seemed to have it all together—everything looked great on the outside. But on the inside, I had lost myself: lost myself in college, in my job, and in my marriage. I had also forgotten why I had such a great life. It became more about what I had accomplished and less

about how I was able to enjoy a great life. I became self-reliant and not God-reliant. I had lost my genuine gratitude for my sobriety. It was about me and not about what God had done for me. So when life got a little messy, I started relying on myself and my old coping skills.

My husband at I were having issues and the desire to drink became intense. But at this point, I had been sober for seven years. My next thought was to re-engage with my eating disorder. Life was spiraling out of control and that was one way I could “control” it. As I began to restrict, my eating disorder progressed and my mental and physical health deteriorated. Life at home continued to worsen and I participated in a lot of shameful behaviors. My husband and I separated in July of 2010 and he filed for divorce in August. Devastated, angry, hurt and in total self-destruction mode, I chose to pick up a drink after seven and a half years of continued sobriety.

I didn’t pick up where I left off—it was progressively worse. I drank harder, faster and longer. I was a one-man wrecking ball destroying everyone who came in contact with me. In just four short months, I lost two jobs, wrecked my car, got my car repossessed, alienated myself from friends and family, and ultimately, wanted to kill myself. I woke up one morning and thought, “I have two options: I can kill myself or I can call my mom.” I looked at a picture of my sister, baby niece and me, and started to cry. I had a moment of clarity: if I killed myself, how much pain would it inflict on my family? How would they explain it to my niece?

I chose to walk downstairs and ask my roommate if I could use his phone, since mine had been disconnected due to lack of payment. I called my mom and told her all that had been going on. Fortunately, my parents have been active members of Al-Anon from the day I set foot in IOP in 2003. My mom was supportive, but she also encouraged me to figure it out. I was in desperate need of help. I called my long-time sponsor and she suggested MARR–she was an alumna and told me it was exactly what I needed. I called the admissions department and spoke with Bill Anderson, who was Director of Admissions (and now CEO). To this day, I strongly believe that Bill served as the catalyst for my recovery. He was the light at the end of the tunnel; I needed his reassurance that MARR would be a great fit for me. I packed up what little belongings I had, and my father drove me to MARR on January 24, 2011.

My experience at MARR was nothing short of amazing. It was tough, but it provided a safe space to recover. I knew they had my best interest at heart. I connected with my primary therapist immediately. I was certainly not the model client. I resisted the system, broke the rules, and thought I knew it all. I mean, I had been sober for many years before. They saw me at my lowest point and still loved me. I got the help I so desperately needed for my eating disorder recovery as well. After struggling with body image and control issues for many years, I was finally ready to get vulnerable and recover from everything.

After completing Phase I and II at MARR, I stayed for their extended recovery residences (Phase III). I continued to lean on self-will versus God’s will. At six months of sobriety, I was politely asked to leave for breaking rules. After a 30-day separation and assignments from my primary therapist, they allowed me to participate in aftercare groups, as well as the disordered eating group. I continued to participate during the first four years of sobriety.

What Life Is Like Today Life is absolutely amazing in recovery. Having been sober two separate times is a neat experience, although I do not recommend relapse. My sobriety is nothing like it was the first time. I have not forgotten what it was like then, and I hope I never do. Today, I know without a doubt why I have this new life. I keep showing up and doing what others suggest (sometimes reluctantly).

The job I started shortly after leaving MARR—and maintained for six years—taught me so much. I experienced incredible growth. I learned how to be a dependable employee, co-worker, and eventually, supervisor. The tools I acquired at MARR reach far beyond staying sober. Today, my life is about helping others. How can I be a good human being? How can I be a good friend, daughter, sister, and girlfriend? How can I serve as a role model to the younger generation? The spiritual principles of kindness, honesty, love, compassion, and selflessness–that’s what I learned at MARR.

Once you join MARR’s supportive alumni community, you are always a part of the family. At around three years sober, I got a call that my ex-husband had died from an overdose. We had maintained a friendship and still talked regularly. I was crushed. I had never had that kind of pain in my life. I did not think about picking up a drink, but I did consider “controlling” my eating. I was scared. I did not want to fall back into my old familiar patterns. Instead, I called my primary therapist at MARR and immediately scheduled a session. She encouraged me to reach out to the disordered eating therapist and ask if I could come back to group on Monday nights. I started attending the disordered eating group again and attended for another year and a half. MARR saved my life—once again.

Today, I get to help people find a treatment program that meets their individual needs. I am the National Clinical Outreach Representative for Summit Behavioral Healthcare, which owns 18 residential treatment facilities throughout the U.S. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for MARR. Every time I see Bill Anderson in the field, I thank him. He is an integral part of who and where I am today. I have a close group of girlfriends, most of whom are MARR alumni. I live a normal and good life– I go to work, enjoy CrossFit, attend AA meetings, spend time with my boyfriend and his children, and see my family as much as possible. I have two nieces who are the light of my life and who, God willing, will never see me drink.

If you or someone you know needs help, or if you are questioning whether or not treatment is the next step, please make that important and courageous call. MARR saved my life, and it can save yours, too. I am forever grateful.